Wednesday, November 18, 2009

And the beat goes ON

As the time for reflection comes to mind I often wonder as to why the fear of the unknown plagues my every thought
Am I going crazy or are the chemicals of many years of abuse been time released to release?
I’m no longer the same man that I was 5 years ago, often wondering did I complete my mission and for that matter what is the mission? I was never raised to be all that I can be, more like make the coffee and clean the house and make dinner before we get home from work . Yeah it’s funny once my parents had an inclination of my gayness skills I was immediately put to use. I must say I was a quick learner , when family elders or friends of my parents came over unexpectedly I was immediately in the kitchen making coffee, tea or warming up leftovers, setting the trays up so that when I was called to served everything was set to be delivered to the waiting coffee table in the living room, funny though, I was never allowed to serve, I was always praised for the display of goodies in front of them and then dismissed to the kitchen until I was summons to clean up. A self made maid as child labor laws were not allowed in this house.
How I miss the praise of being better at housework then other women and the cooking skills I learn would make any family want to take me in as the houseboy with the girlie spirit. I long for those mess up days. I felt REAL.